Mindful Me

I have had anxiety since middle school, and finding a positive self-care journey has always been really important to me. I’ve tried many self-care journeys- though some weren’t always good. But I found myself giving up or forgetting to practice those journeys after a while, I don’t think I necessarily gave up on them, they just were the type to help me at one point in my life but didn’t help at other points.

With all of the self-care journeys I've tried, It’s hard to find one that will stick now. I’ve also had many journeys for different reasons. But the main journey I couldn’t get over is my self-image. There was a point in my life when I was overly obsessed with my self-image it was draining me. I started working out almost daily to try to get the “socially acceptable” woman's body. Growing up I always heard that I needed to eat a sandwich because I was too skinny, it began to get to the point where I was critiquing myself so then I wanted a thin waist, thicker thighs, bigger butt, flatter stomach, more muscle, etc. Then I eventually started hating that I was getting a little bit of a gut so I started watching what I was eating so much that I ended up hardly eating, it got to the point where I would just forget or not make enough time to eat. During that time I only cared about what I looked like on the outside, and I didn’t care as long as I was happy with the results of my exterior growth. But I was so unhealthy. I wish I had found a healthier way to go about it all. Because in reality, I wasn’t mentally, emotionally, or personally growing. I also spent so much time reinventing myself to hide the true me that I ended up losing myself in the process.

I want to see change in myself, from deep within and not just the outside, so here’s what I do differently now. Well, for starters, I started this blog, I really enjoy doing it so far and have already gotten a lot of great feedback from my first post. I have also purchased a book that allows me to write affirmations and things I’m grateful for morning and night. That journal has helped me recognize the good in what can seem like a bad day because instead of allowing me to dwell on the bad I am forced to recognize what makes me grateful and happy. I even downloaded a daily affirmation app so I see an affirmation on my lock screen throughout the whole day. I have also started spending a lot more time with myself, this gives me the chance to analyze how I react differently in situations, if I react in a negative way then I sit and think about better ways to handle and express my emotions. The last and personally most important step to my new self-care journey is distancing myself from social media. When being glued to social media I found that I was comparing myself to others too often, whether that be how they looked or how many interactions their post got vs. mine, it was a bad habit I had to break out of. With the new self-care techniques I am taking on, I notice that I feel so much better about myself, from within. I feel genuinely happy and grateful for everything I have; not that I never was but I’ve got a new perspective on it now. There is so much to be grateful for in life and I recognize that it’s easy to lose focus of that. Something I learned early on is that someone else in the world is having it worse— Now I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid, they completely are, but my point is that next time you’re having a bad day just try to think of something you’re grateful for, I guarantee it’ll lighten up the mood a little bit, or at least it did for me. I now like to find things to be grateful for and feel overly happy about them, even being grateful for the littlest things can change my whole day and get me through it. Things I find grateful for now like the warm bed I slept in that made me wake up feeling well-rested, my delicious dinner, spending time with loved ones, having a relaxing day, being alive, etc. Not everyone is blessed with the same things I am, so therefore I am overall just grateful for the life I have and everything/everyone in it.

A happy and healthy mind is the key to it all. When your mind is in a good place, it primes you for success. Even in failure, mental strength eases the journey.

It may have taken me quite some time to get here and there is still a lot I’ve got to work on, but I hope I can be an example of knowing that tough times will pass. As I am entering the age of twenty I have realized that these are the years to live, the time to feel more alive than ever, and I’ll have nothing in my way of that. The difference between then and now is that now I can say that I am genuinely happy and confident in myself, and most of all I'm comfortable being who I am. I never knew how amazing it felt to put myself first, until now, and let me tell you that it was the best thing I could've done for myself. I continue to learn new things about myself and it makes me full of pure joy. Being in this healthy and happy mindset makes me feel like I am healing my inner child, and It feels amazing, but I am also growing into the adult version of myself. Being happy is such a surreal thing to experience, and I hope all of you have gotten to or get the chance to one day.

Remember to always be kind to yourself and others. <3

Love always,

M.R.